Praising your child’s achievement is one of the things that naturally come when being a parent, but in today’s generation, it seems to have a lot of rules and regulation in parenting. Fostering your child’s self-esteem and helping them develop the desire to do well in life starts at home as it is also parents’ responsibility.
Parents already praise their kids the moment they found out they had a little blip residing in mom’s tummy, the moment their newborn can hold his head upright, and dad’s blowing up the phone bill just to call all the people from his contacts telling them about his son’s first milestone, and the pattern continues with his first baby steps, potty training, first word to their oversized-looking letter A.
How parents praise their child can really have an effect on their children’s success in life as it is also one of the ways to give them the motivation to do well. But figuring out how to let their child know they are proud of them can be a delicate balance as too few praises can leave your child feeling inadequate but too much can also lead to insufferable arrogance and combine both, sometimes lead to unnecessary pressure.
As parents, it is important for them to acknowledge both the effort and the accomplishment, as children need to have the early realization that life will not always be three perfect home runs and straight A’s. So, praise them on the things that matter as some things will always be more important than others, but make sure not to spend too much time on praising when they are not deserved.
This effort and accomplishment can also ignite the inner desire of the children to want to do their best, but it should not be about parental praise, but due to their own personal standards of self-worth. That’s why parents should praise the process or the effort it took the child and talk about the struggles they had to overcome and difficulties but don’t bury your positive expressions in negative list or just being passive-aggressive, an example of this are when most parents say. “While your grades still need work, we sure are proud of your first soccer goal.” DON’T EVER DO THAT! Leave out the negative and just offer your sincere feelings of pride for that accomplishment.
As parents praise their child, they should also teach them to praise themselves, which will lead to children making themselves feel proud of themselves, thus experiencing double happiness by receiving it inwardly and outwardly from the parents.
It’s good to start expressing your confidence in their abilities and skills as the appreciation for their efforts that they have put into the experience can be a much better expression for them to listen and internalize. It is also good to avoid saying “I’m proud of you” but to start saying “I’m proud for you” as it subtly shifts from the accomplishment being about the parent to that of the child’s, in this sense, the child can feel the appreciation and acknowledgement for who they really are. They will feel more connected in their accomplishments and be more motivated in their pursuits while having a strong sense of their own individuality and identity.